Make time for a sex life as new parents

Once the whirlwind of giving birth and of starting your lives as new parents has quietened, and you’re feeling slightly more in control of your lives, your thoughts may lightly turn to reviving your sex life. To some of us the second thought may be “Are you joking? I’m too tired, too frazzled and probably look like the back end of a bus!”

So, what might it take to get those juices flowing again?

Give yourselves permission
It’s very easy to have that sneaking feeling that as new parents perhaps you shouldn’t be ‘doing it’ – too undignified, too naughty, too time consuming. Surely you should be concentrating all your energies on the little one?  Smash that anxiety straight away! You’re still a couple and individuals as well as parents – you deserve to be expressing your loving feelings as much as you did (…it’s what you did to become parents, after all…)

Plan
You’ll find, as new parents, that pre-planning pays off. Knowing what you must do and when and making time to fit it all in is essential. But this doesn’t have to mean just shopping or feeding or any other family routine. It also pays to set aside time to have sex. Call it ‘essential team bonding time’ or whatever you like but declaring a set-aside for love-making and following up on it will keep your relationship alive, your family strong – and a smile on your faces.   

Be spontaneous
But having said that, don’t pour cold water on the sudden urge to get it on. Yes, you may feel tired and yes, you must feel a sight, but if your partner gets amorous or you look at them and think “I want some of that…” forget the tasks at hand and take a slice of time out of your day to play together.

Remember what used to work
Once a baby is on the way or arrived you may feel one chapter is over and another begun. Yes, you’re moving forwards into a new way of life, but don’t feel you should leave it all behind. What used to get you going? A shared experience, a song that was ‘yours’, a memory recalled? Make a conscious effort to keep those triggers to your sex life in the front of your mind and still potent. The more you recall what brought you together and what made your relationship strong and sexy, the more you will keep that love going. 

Find out new things
As well as your tried and tested ways of making love and pleasing each other, take the time to bring in some new ideas. Where you may once have been full of vigour and up for fast and furious sex, now you may be too exhausted to think you can even summon the energy. So, take advantage of that to try slow, lengthy, languorous sex. Use the baby oil to slather each other and try out how long you can smooth and stroke before you simply have to complete. 


Bounty “Sex & Relationship” articles are written by expert Suzie Hayman. Suzie is agony aunt for Woman magazine, a Relate trained counsellor, and an accredited TripleP (Positive Parenting Programme) parenting educator.  She makes frequent appearances on TV and radio and as well as writing 31 books, Suzie writes features on parenting, relationships, sex and couples counselling, for a wide range of national magazines and newspapers